relax and enjoy

We blessed Grace on Sunday. She looked beautiful. We had great friends to be in the circle with Paul; Jeremy Barton, Jeremiah Johnson, and Stephen Baker. Paul gave a beautiful blessing that covered all aspects of Grace's life. She is a blessed daughter of God, and we are blessed to have her in our family. I'll post more pictures of her in her dress later.

This is a dress I wore as a baby.

Playtime with our friends! The kids played on the couch cushions for hours. They were having so much fun!

 Sometimes we invite Jeremiah and Danika over to play with Caleb's toys. Buzz and Woody had fun.

"Hi I'm 3 months old and as cute as a button!"

We only have a few more weeks left in New Hampshire and although I could keep myself busy with projects and my to do list I've decided to take it easy and just enjoy New Hampshire until we need to pack. No extra projects, no "to do" list (besides the basics) and all PLAY!
We have been busy looking for housing in Ohio and a lot of thinking about when we'll bring along and what we'll leave here. It's been a tough decision but we've decided to bring our kids and leave the couches.

Squeals of excitement!

HAPPY EASTER!

 

Our growing girl! Smiles and sweetness all around.

Ready, Set, Go!

Caleb and his buddy Caiden.

Egg Hunt in the backyard.

Dying Easter eggs with Danika and Jeremiah and their family visiting from Utah.

Say "cheese"!

 March has been a good month. We've adjusted to having a baby, I've been reminded of the joy it is to stay home with my kids, and we get to celebrate the resurrection of our Savior and ponder on the depth of his sacrifice.

The last few weeks all my siblings were together in Utah. This doesn't happen often. But my little family wasn't there. I missed being a part of the family fun a great deal, but now looking at these pictures I am reminded at what a blessing it is to have my own family and enjoy our small gatherings. I'm also grateful for our friends in New Hampshire that come to celebrate holidays with us that are normally spent with family. Friends are wonderful people. I've come to realize the difference they can make in my life, the love they can give, and the sadness they can turn to smiles. I will be very sad to leave them all.

Tasty

I was putting Caleb down for his nap yesterday. I'd just finished singing songs with him and giving kisses when he started picking his nose.

A nice big slimy green booger was on his finger when he finally took his finger out and I went to wipe it off so I could throw it away when he yelled, "No mom! Don't do that!" I stopped mid-motion thinking something was urgent. "What?" As quickly as he could Caleb stuck his finger, booger and all, in his mouth then looked at me with a sly smile.

Gross.

I heart boobies

4 Weeks old

I just had to post a picture of my Boobie Beanie. Thanks from my co-workers at WIC

The little things.

I got an email from my sister, Shanlee today. In it she recalled a few moments of our childhood that have stuck out in her memory. Nothing big, just the little things. The little things that matter most.

Since Grace has been born I've had on my mind my gratitude for family, for life and for my opportunity to be a mother. I felt this way when I had Caleb too. There is something about a baby and being sleep deprived that makes me remember the blessing of family.

The first 2 weeks after I had Grace I had 5 friends give birth. 2 out of 5 of those babies have died. Again, it reminds me of the blessing of families, and the blessing it is that I have a healthy baby in my arms at this moment.

I want to cherish my moments with Grace and Caleb, but how? Remember the little things. Just as Uchtdorf said in his talk in October's General Conference,

"We shouldn’t wait to be happy until we reach some future point, only to discover that happiness was already available—all the time! Life is not meant to be appreciated only in retrospect. “This is the day which the Lord hath made … ,” the Psalmist wrote. “Rejoice and be glad in it."

Happiness is now. Life is now. We are making memories now.

Yesterday I walked into the living room after I had just finished making lunch and cleaning spit off my shirt to find Caleb on the couch, shirt up and tucked under his chin and nursing his baby Elmo. I want to remember that. He makes me happy.

And I'll remember how sleep deprived we've been with a new baby because we have to bounce Grace on the exercise ball for hours each day and late into the night to soothe her aching belly, later it'll something to smile about, but not right now.

I'll remember the frustration of attempted Family Home Evening lessons with a 2 year old boy as he jumps, squeals, and twirls during the lesson.

I'll remember the joy I feel each day as Paul comes home from school to spend the evening with his children and exhausted wife.

Shanlee reminded me in her email about my parents cuddling on the couch. They're in their late 50's. Gross that they still cuddle on the couch? Not at all. So sweet. When was the last time your kids saw you cuddling or showing affection to your spouse? I remember my parents going into our walk-in pantry and shutting the doors and kissing loudly for a minute or two before coming out to see our disgusted faces.

So I'm going to makes these moments matter most. I'll always remember the time we were getting Paul through school as a family, poor, often overwhelmed but so happy.

I highly recommend wathcing this video from the church website. It's one of Caleb's favorites.
Click on the link below and enjoy!
http://www.mormonchannel.org/video/mormon-messages?v=1101413031001

Feburary 14

Happy Valentine's Day!

Stuck in the middle

We've finally decided on a middle name.

Grace Shanlee Clark

In honor of my sister Shanlee who helped deliver Grace.

And thanks to my talented friend Heidi we have some newborn pictures of sweet Grace at 9 days old.

My sweet children, I'm so lucky.

 And of course we can't leave Caleb out of this. He's been a trooper during the hard transition of getting used to sharing his mom and dad. It's been hard for him. I love these pictures. They capture his personality perfectly. Crazy yet sweet, sometimes shy and always moving. We sure love that kid.

 As I look at these pictures that have captured my children's faces and I think back on the story of Grace's birth and Shanlee, my mom and Paul's support during it all I can't begin to explain my gratitude and awe of it all. I sit here and type as I hold little Grace in my arms. I love to look at every detail in her face as she sleeps. What an angel. Words cannot describe the love a parent can have for a child, I never thought it possible until I experienced it myself.

Today Paul was talking about our family and said, "...our kids..." then he paused and said, "whoa that sounds weird to say. We have two kids now, I have to say KIDS now." Haha yes Paul we have two children now and have for 2 1/2 weeks.

Grace's story

Grace Clark had a graceful entrance into this world. On January 26, 2013 Grace was born at 11:00pm within the walls of our home and into the arms of her loving family.

I began having contractions Saturday afternoon but wasn't sure if it was real labor. Of course being 2 days past my due date it seems I could've guess it was REAL labor, but I didn't want to get myself, Paul, Grandma and Aunt Shanlee too excited if it wasn't really happening. So I kept the contractions to myself until about 5:00 when they seemed to be more intense and consistent. We had friends coming over for dinner at 5:30 and I debated weather to cancel but decided not too. With friends over it would distract us all from just staring at me having contractions. By the time our friends left at 8:00 contractions were painful and hard to talk through. It was time to "get in the zone" and start focusing through these with the help of my supporters. We gave a phone call to Beth (my midwife) to give her a heads-up I was in labor and she said she'd wait for another call when I was ready to go to the Birth Center.

Paul got our final things packed and took Caleb to the sitters as Shanlee rubbed my back and timed contractions. I was doing great and once the contraction was over I could pick right back up in the conversation. I took a nice long shower where contractions started to pick up again. Once I was dressed in my ghastly nightgown I got to labor in I laid on the couch to focus through contractions...I didn't move from that position until well after Grace was born.

For about 2 hours Paul rubbed my back and talked my through contractions. I felt we really worked well together this time around. He helped me remember to relax between contractions and focus on breathing. His hands got tired and he tagged Shanlee and my mom to come rub my back. It was then that contractions got rough. My body began shaking uncontrollably. I remembered this happening with Caleb and I was only dialated to 5cm. So I didn't want to let myself think I was furthur along that I really was. Mom kept saying, "I think we need to call Beth. These contractions are getting really intense for her." I didn't think I was that far in labor, but I did know I couldn't have done labor like that much longer. I finally agreed they could call her. Paul gave Beth a call and they agreed it would be best for Beth to come to our house to check my dilation before going to the Birth Center. Beth lives only about 5 minutes away from our home...and she didn't make it to the birth.

Within minutes I went from hard contractions to really hard contractions and then the need to push. I suddenly had 2 contractions right on top of each other and felt Grace drop into the birth canal. I told everyone, "I need to push!"
"No! Beth isn't here yet! Don't push Amelia, you've got to wait. Pant. Pant." my mom said.

I tried to pant but the urge to push was too much, I couldn't stop it. Grace was crowning and someone was going to have to help me deliver her. My mom jumped onto the couch but realized she need to wash her hands before delivering a baby so ran to the kitchen. Shanlee then stepped up to the plate just in time to catch Grace's head coming out. I heard a small gasp for breath and saw my sweet baby's face for the first time. One more push and she was out and in my arms.

Shanlee was a champ. It was no coincidence that Shanlee was the one to catch Grace and help me bring her into this world. I believe they will always have a special bond. She'd remember from 13 years prior a class she'd taken in preparation to see my mom give birth to our youngest brother that once the head of the baby is out you then rotate the baby every so slightly to help ease the shoulders and body out. Great job Shanlee!

Beth arrived less than 2 minutes after Grace was born and finished the job. Thank goodness we didn't get in the car to go to the birth center. I would have had a baby in the car and in the freezing cold, single digit weather of New Hampshire.

Grace was 7lbs. 2oz. and 19 1/2 inches long. Much smaller than Caleb. She is perfect. This birth experience was unexpected and wonderful. I am so thankful for the health and ability of both our bodies in this beautiful process of birth. What a blessing it is to have a new fresh infant in our family. Giving birth to a baby is the most precious experiences I've had. In the moments of most pain is also the most joy and euphoria you could have. I believe at birth the veil thins ever so slightly and angels guide us through as we bring one of God's angels into this world. That's what Grace is-an angel.

I made it too far

Due date: Tomorrow.

This last month has been long, eventful, and filled with To Do lists. We celebrated Paul's birthday, our 4th anniversary and now waiting to celebrate our baby girl's birthday.

It seems the last 3 weeks of pregnancy drag on for years. I enjoy being pregnant. It's an amazing experience to feel a baby inside of me, knowing that it's a miracle she's even there. And after 9 months of that amazingness I'm ready for the amazingness of the actual baby in my arms, so I'm waiting, not so patiently.

I've been seeing a midwife for this pregnancy and I LOVE it! I never knew medical care could be so personal and friendly. Beth is my friend, not my doctor. We visit for at least an hour even appointment since the first. She knows about my personal life as well as my pregnancy life. She knows Caleb and Paul well. And one of my favorite perks is that I don't have to leave my house for appointments after the baby is born! Who wants to lug 2 kids around days after you've had a baby? Not me, so Beth comes to my house for the check-ups. So wonderful. She's paitent and allows Caleb to help take my blood pressure, feel the baby and listen to her heart, Caleb also loves "Dr. Beth". You'd never get that kind of patience and care from a nurse/doctor at a typical medical office.

Next post to come...pictures of our new addition. Little Baby Grace Clark. And Thanks to Heidi, they'll be professional newborn pictures! :)

Joy to the World

We got a White Christmas! I've been waiting and waiting for it to snow and we finally got about 1/4 inch Christmas morning. What a great way to start the day. Now, two days later we have about 8 inches and it's still coming down strong. Oh how I miss my snowboard and Utah's powder snow right now.

Christmas Eve was spent at our friends, Jill and Harry Hadaway's home. They invited us over for a wonderful dinner and Caleb had a great time playing with toys and Jill, she makes a wonderful grandma for Caleb in New Hampshire.

We had a great Christmas once again. And once again, although we miss family we really enjoyed having the day together in our little three-some. Caleb has been skipping naps the last week (he's growing up too fast) and he got to bed late Christmas Eve so he slept until 7:30 on Christmas morning! I can't remember the last time he slept that late. But of course I didn't sleep that late because Paul was awake and itching to wake up Caleb at 6:30am.

 We all had a great time opening our gifts. Caleb got trains and tractors galore. Paul got pants (which he HATES getting clothes, but I'm NOT allowing him to wear his "hobo" pants filled with holes any longer). He also got his coveted Donkey Kong game for the wii and a dutch oven. I was spoiled with a glider rocking chair from my parents, and a wonderful Ninja blender from Paul, as well as the Sound of Music DVD and scarves. Our little baby Grace will be getting a car seat, she's excited.

We had friends over for dinner later Christmas Day and finished our lazy day by playing games.

I love this hat more every time I see it. So cute! Thanks Jackman Family!

I also got the Primary Children's Song Book. Caleb was as excited as I was about it. He recognized it as the book we sing most of our songs from. After breakfast we sat in my new glider and rocked while we sang songs about Christ's birth and snuggled in a new soft blanket. I sure love that kid!

Today we've got more snow! This morning we started our day by sledding at the park. You should've seen me, 9 months pregnant and waddling up the hill pulling a sled, then trying to get on the sled without slipping, and finally getting off the sled once I was down the hill. It would've been great entertainment for anyone watching. Caleb liked the sled until his last run that covered his face in snow. But he loves throwing snowballs and tackling us in the snow.

Paul? Who's that?

It's been Paul's finals week. That means he's locked himself in the Library with books and notes. It's a good thing he only does that for one week or we'd have a crazy dad, a lonely wife, and a fatherless child.

Wednesday night we all needed dad home for a little while to help us get through the week. So dad and Caleb made a fort. Oh to be a child again.

The flash on our camera broke so now it takes REALLY bad pictures. Paul's in there, just dark.

29 weeks

Finally I remembered to take a pregnant picture a day that I'm in more than sweat pants and one of Paul's over-sized t-shirts.

29 Weeks (ish) Who really knows my due date? No one. Beth (my midwife) has decided to go with the date our ultrasounds have given us even though I'm measuring a couple centimeters small. So the end of January it is; January 24ish.

Our 2 week appointments have just started and we'll start talking about the details of what a home-birth includes. I look forward to delivery as much as I do having a new baby. I'm even looking forward to breastfeeding again! Weird? Maybe. I'm excited about having the experience of birth without medication. Paul and I have been preparing for whatever labor/delivery might give us. Bring on the contractions...in 2 1/2 months!

We're looking forward to this SO much! Caleb is sharing is dresser with pink clothes now and we've already been given 180 tiny diapers. I think she's set!

Power to DO

Working mom. Not a great definition for me. I like stay-at-home mom much better. But we don't always get to choose, the Lord is the boss and I must have faith.

3 months now, that's how long I've been working. That's how long my wonderful friends have been doing FREE babysitting once a week for me. Maybe that doesn't seem like a long time but to me it's been an eternity. Working was so logical when I was offered this job. It was great pay, part time, something I thought I'd enjoy, close to home, and the best part was it would decrease our student loans by a large amount! Paul and I both jumped on board when I was offered the job. Although I knew it wouldn't be easy to leave Caleb I thought the PROS outweighed the CONS at this point, plus it was ONLY 9 months of work THEN I could be a stay-at-home mom again. The Lord seemed to agree, babysitting fell into place (thank goodness for GREAT friends...Heidi!), our finances were looking great, and I could pick/change my schedule when needed.

Only 3 months later and I'm falling apart. I'm an emotional mess. I dread work and can hardly keep myself busy (partly my own fault), I'm in tears a good portion of the week due to guilt, and my poor mothering skills while I juggle work and family. I discussed with Paul my feelings often but also hid them often. Should I quit my job? It would be humiliating to tell my boss, all I've been given is praise and thanks for being the perfect employee, just the credentials for the job. Could I bear to quit? Is it worth it? What about finances? What does the Lord want me to do? Is this just a trial the Lord needs me to learn from? Doesn't it make sense for a mother to be home with her children all the time? Is Caleb's behavior poor because I'm not home with him?...Questions that ran though my mind on an hourly basis.

I don't write this for a pity party, but the power of prayer. 2 weeks ago as Paul and I discussed our feelings and desires for our family we realize we were NOT living the way we'd hoped and should be. Couple prayers were scarce, scripture reading was non-existent, I had little motivation to be better (maybe some depression?) and the list goes on. I knew I needed help to get through work each week, or more like each hour. PRAYER. SCRIPTURES. Those were the first to come to mind. We began a goal to read and pray together every night, a goal we've made many times. 3 days later and we got an answer to our prayers.

I went to work and my boss asked me into her office to talk (I love my boss by the way). She'd informed me that she'd discussed with our boss if it's be okay for me to bring the baby to work once she came. It's not. But what she said next was simple, but just what I needed to hear.
"I understand if this job doesn't work out with your family once the baby comes. If you don't feel like you can continue working, just let me know. I understand."
What a relief! She almost gave me permission to quit! Half the battle for me as I thought about quitting was having to tell them after only 3 months and it was a temporary job anyways.

What a blessing. 3 days. 3 days of doing the little things that the Lord asks and he gives me an answer to a prayer I'd been praying about for months.

The plan is for me to continue working until I have this sweet baby, then I can STAY HOME! I'll won't have to leave baby girl once she's here, no more dropping Caleb off, no more stress with school/work schedules, no more guilt for leaving my kids, and no more money. But I know the Lord will provide a way for us financially.

One more thing to look forward to once little baby girl comes; I can quit my job.

Trolls

Today we went to Manchester for some fun while Paul did a few hours of Clinicals at a Physical Therapy Office. We stopped to pay the toll on our way home and Caleb said, "Whose crossing MY bridge?...Hi TROLL!" as he waved to the lady taking our dollar.

We are a happy family

We had a busy October, so I'll just post some of our fun as pictures...

We made applesauce with all the apples we picked.

Yummy caramel apples

A visit to the Fire Station.

They even let Caleb spray the hose.

Matchstick bowling for my birthday.

Right after Caleb's surgery, he's watching T.V. at the hospital while we wait for his apple juice and muffin.

We're about to go Trick-or-Treating with our favorite 3 girls; Lizzy, Abby, and Becky, and of course our favorite boy Caleb.

My birthday present from my parents and in-laws. I've been wanting these for months! SO excited to organize my cupboards.

This is trick-or-treating night #2 out of 3. On our way to our ward Halloween party.

Weekly Sunday treat mess making.

I sure love my family. And we can barely stand to wait 3 more months for our new addition. She's "baby sister" to us all, and Caleb refuses to allow us to call her anything else. But it's our secret, Grace seems to be #1 pick for now.