Joy to the World

We got a White Christmas! I've been waiting and waiting for it to snow and we finally got about 1/4 inch Christmas morning. What a great way to start the day. Now, two days later we have about 8 inches and it's still coming down strong. Oh how I miss my snowboard and Utah's powder snow right now.

Christmas Eve was spent at our friends, Jill and Harry Hadaway's home. They invited us over for a wonderful dinner and Caleb had a great time playing with toys and Jill, she makes a wonderful grandma for Caleb in New Hampshire.

We had a great Christmas once again. And once again, although we miss family we really enjoyed having the day together in our little three-some. Caleb has been skipping naps the last week (he's growing up too fast) and he got to bed late Christmas Eve so he slept until 7:30 on Christmas morning! I can't remember the last time he slept that late. But of course I didn't sleep that late because Paul was awake and itching to wake up Caleb at 6:30am.

 We all had a great time opening our gifts. Caleb got trains and tractors galore. Paul got pants (which he HATES getting clothes, but I'm NOT allowing him to wear his "hobo" pants filled with holes any longer). He also got his coveted Donkey Kong game for the wii and a dutch oven. I was spoiled with a glider rocking chair from my parents, and a wonderful Ninja blender from Paul, as well as the Sound of Music DVD and scarves. Our little baby Grace will be getting a car seat, she's excited.

We had friends over for dinner later Christmas Day and finished our lazy day by playing games.

I love this hat more every time I see it. So cute! Thanks Jackman Family!

I also got the Primary Children's Song Book. Caleb was as excited as I was about it. He recognized it as the book we sing most of our songs from. After breakfast we sat in my new glider and rocked while we sang songs about Christ's birth and snuggled in a new soft blanket. I sure love that kid!

Today we've got more snow! This morning we started our day by sledding at the park. You should've seen me, 9 months pregnant and waddling up the hill pulling a sled, then trying to get on the sled without slipping, and finally getting off the sled once I was down the hill. It would've been great entertainment for anyone watching. Caleb liked the sled until his last run that covered his face in snow. But he loves throwing snowballs and tackling us in the snow.

Paul? Who's that?

It's been Paul's finals week. That means he's locked himself in the Library with books and notes. It's a good thing he only does that for one week or we'd have a crazy dad, a lonely wife, and a fatherless child.

Wednesday night we all needed dad home for a little while to help us get through the week. So dad and Caleb made a fort. Oh to be a child again.

The flash on our camera broke so now it takes REALLY bad pictures. Paul's in there, just dark.

29 weeks

Finally I remembered to take a pregnant picture a day that I'm in more than sweat pants and one of Paul's over-sized t-shirts.

29 Weeks (ish) Who really knows my due date? No one. Beth (my midwife) has decided to go with the date our ultrasounds have given us even though I'm measuring a couple centimeters small. So the end of January it is; January 24ish.

Our 2 week appointments have just started and we'll start talking about the details of what a home-birth includes. I look forward to delivery as much as I do having a new baby. I'm even looking forward to breastfeeding again! Weird? Maybe. I'm excited about having the experience of birth without medication. Paul and I have been preparing for whatever labor/delivery might give us. Bring on the contractions...in 2 1/2 months!

We're looking forward to this SO much! Caleb is sharing is dresser with pink clothes now and we've already been given 180 tiny diapers. I think she's set!

Power to DO

Working mom. Not a great definition for me. I like stay-at-home mom much better. But we don't always get to choose, the Lord is the boss and I must have faith.

3 months now, that's how long I've been working. That's how long my wonderful friends have been doing FREE babysitting once a week for me. Maybe that doesn't seem like a long time but to me it's been an eternity. Working was so logical when I was offered this job. It was great pay, part time, something I thought I'd enjoy, close to home, and the best part was it would decrease our student loans by a large amount! Paul and I both jumped on board when I was offered the job. Although I knew it wouldn't be easy to leave Caleb I thought the PROS outweighed the CONS at this point, plus it was ONLY 9 months of work THEN I could be a stay-at-home mom again. The Lord seemed to agree, babysitting fell into place (thank goodness for GREAT friends...Heidi!), our finances were looking great, and I could pick/change my schedule when needed.

Only 3 months later and I'm falling apart. I'm an emotional mess. I dread work and can hardly keep myself busy (partly my own fault), I'm in tears a good portion of the week due to guilt, and my poor mothering skills while I juggle work and family. I discussed with Paul my feelings often but also hid them often. Should I quit my job? It would be humiliating to tell my boss, all I've been given is praise and thanks for being the perfect employee, just the credentials for the job. Could I bear to quit? Is it worth it? What about finances? What does the Lord want me to do? Is this just a trial the Lord needs me to learn from? Doesn't it make sense for a mother to be home with her children all the time? Is Caleb's behavior poor because I'm not home with him?...Questions that ran though my mind on an hourly basis.

I don't write this for a pity party, but the power of prayer. 2 weeks ago as Paul and I discussed our feelings and desires for our family we realize we were NOT living the way we'd hoped and should be. Couple prayers were scarce, scripture reading was non-existent, I had little motivation to be better (maybe some depression?) and the list goes on. I knew I needed help to get through work each week, or more like each hour. PRAYER. SCRIPTURES. Those were the first to come to mind. We began a goal to read and pray together every night, a goal we've made many times. 3 days later and we got an answer to our prayers.

I went to work and my boss asked me into her office to talk (I love my boss by the way). She'd informed me that she'd discussed with our boss if it's be okay for me to bring the baby to work once she came. It's not. But what she said next was simple, but just what I needed to hear.
"I understand if this job doesn't work out with your family once the baby comes. If you don't feel like you can continue working, just let me know. I understand."
What a relief! She almost gave me permission to quit! Half the battle for me as I thought about quitting was having to tell them after only 3 months and it was a temporary job anyways.

What a blessing. 3 days. 3 days of doing the little things that the Lord asks and he gives me an answer to a prayer I'd been praying about for months.

The plan is for me to continue working until I have this sweet baby, then I can STAY HOME! I'll won't have to leave baby girl once she's here, no more dropping Caleb off, no more stress with school/work schedules, no more guilt for leaving my kids, and no more money. But I know the Lord will provide a way for us financially.

One more thing to look forward to once little baby girl comes; I can quit my job.

Trolls

Today we went to Manchester for some fun while Paul did a few hours of Clinicals at a Physical Therapy Office. We stopped to pay the toll on our way home and Caleb said, "Whose crossing MY bridge?...Hi TROLL!" as he waved to the lady taking our dollar.

We are a happy family

We had a busy October, so I'll just post some of our fun as pictures...

We made applesauce with all the apples we picked.

Yummy caramel apples

A visit to the Fire Station.

They even let Caleb spray the hose.

Matchstick bowling for my birthday.

Right after Caleb's surgery, he's watching T.V. at the hospital while we wait for his apple juice and muffin.

We're about to go Trick-or-Treating with our favorite 3 girls; Lizzy, Abby, and Becky, and of course our favorite boy Caleb.

My birthday present from my parents and in-laws. I've been wanting these for months! SO excited to organize my cupboards.

This is trick-or-treating night #2 out of 3. On our way to our ward Halloween party.

Weekly Sunday treat mess making.

I sure love my family. And we can barely stand to wait 3 more months for our new addition. She's "baby sister" to us all, and Caleb refuses to allow us to call her anything else. But it's our secret, Grace seems to be #1 pick for now.

Surgery update

I'll spare you the details but I thought I'd give a quick update about how surgery went yesterday. First of all, thank you for all your prayers.
Caleb is recovering well and back to himself already; energetic and testing limits. Paul came with us to the hospital and they took Caleb in early which meant Paul could be there until then. Surgery was crazy fast, 30 minutes after they wheeled him away in a little red wagon the doctor came to me and told me everything went fine and Caleb was finished. 3 stitches and some glue on his ear to keep it all together. 20 minutes after that the nurses called me into his room to be there while he woke up. I immediately took him from his bed to rock him and calm him. He was floppy and crying. I'm so thankful he responded to me and wasn't screaming or not consolable, as some kids are. Although he cried, it was just from discomfort of waking up from the anesthesia. He was most upset by a band-aid on his toe with the pulse monitor on it. He did keep saying, "I don't like this mommy, I don't like this." every couple of minutes for the first 20 minutes. Poor kid. After 20 minutes he was aware enough to respond to my singing and calm down only to wake up and cry for a minute before calming down again.
We spend 2 more hours in the hospital monitoring Caleb and making sure he was good to go. He did great! We had a friend come pick us up from the hospital so that I could sit in the back with Caleb. Thank goodness I did. He threw up ALL the juice and muffin he'd just eaten. That was almost the worst part. Strapped in his car seat and throwing up all over my friends car. He was uncomfortable but luckily we were close to home. After lunch and a 3 1/2 hour nap together in my bed, we both woke up happy and read for some birthday celebrations; bowling, pumpkin pie and presents. Which I got a 1 hour prenatal massage gift certificate from Paul! So excited to get a professional massage and I can't think of a better time to get one than while I'm pregnant!

Surgery

Poor Caleb is scheduled for surgery this Friday morning. Months ago I noticed an odd growth on Caleb's upper ear. I watched it closely and it's been getting bigger so I decided it was best to have it checked by a doctor. After multiple doctor's visits we've finally learned it's a benign growth of epithileal cells and some calicification. Common in children and something that began in utero. Our last appointment, with a pediatric surgeon, confirmed the need to get it removed. Not only is it odd looking and growing but if left it could turn into an infection or deform his ear. I thoughy it would be a quick procedure with local anesthia but I was wrong. The pediatric surgeon will put Caleb "all the way under" on Friday remove the growth and send it in for testing, but he's positive it's not cancerous. After hearing that I wasn't concerned about his ear anymore, but his reaction to waking up after being under full anesthia. I don't know about scarring, recovery, or how long the surgery will take but I pray we both can handle the waking up part. Paul will be at school Friday morning so I (a pregnant emotional basket case) will be up to handle it all on my own.
Our prayers are for Caleb this week and Paul will give him a blessing on Thursday night.

apples and pumpkins

I have so much to be thankful for, right now it's the beautiful weather! I LOVE the Fall season and I LOVE it even more in New Hampshire. The leaves are just starting to change and the weather is PERFECT! I love the trees dropping their leaves so Caleb and I can crunch them as we walk, I love getting out a new set of Caleb's Fall clothes, sweaters, and jackets. I love taking a deep breath outside when the sun is setting and breathing in the crisp, cool air. I love making homemade hot chocolate and drinking it in the morning or at night snuggled up in a blanket. I love getting out my jackets, boots and cardigans (although my maternity fall clothes aren't as cute as my "skinny" ones :) I love Apple Cider Doughnuts, hot chocolate, pumpkin carving, wassle...I could go on and on. I've told Paul at least daily how much I love this season.  In less than a month is my birthday, Paul always makes them something I look forward too even though this is the age that birthdays aren't usually exciting, mine are.

Two weeks ago for Family Home Evening we went to an Apple Orchard. I LOVE that about New Hampshire. There are so many fruits/veggies you can go pick your own. In the summer it gave us something to do in the mornings and also gets me creative for how I can use them; freezer jam, applesauce, frozen yogurt blueberries...Anyways, as Caleb played with the countless cars, lawn mower toys and playgrounds at the Apple Orchard Paul and I snuggled up together and looked at the orange, yellow, red and green trees surrounding us, a pumpkin patch in front of us, kids laughing, and the sky was a perfect blue with white clouds. It was so picturesque. I wanted to freeze time. I am REALLY going to miss New Hampshire next fall!

My mind is full of thoughts this week. Thoughts I should write in my journal but for now, typing them here is much faster and convenient. So I am at the mercy of our blog readers.

Five weeks ago I began working at WIC, part-time, thank goodness. But it has been a huge adjustment for us all. Caleb and I have suffered greatly. I don't believe a mother is meant to work outside the home, something I've always felt strongly about, especially for my family. But the Lord teaches us in many ways. I often realize he teaches me when I'm too judgmental and proud. I'm then put in the same situation I was judging others about; being a working mother. I wish I could tell Heavenly Father I've learned my lesson and now I should just stay home with Caleb, but unfortunately I cannot. As for Caleb, he will eventually adjust, and as for me, I will live through it. I will continue to love Caleb as much as ever, I will appreciate the time we do have together even more than before, and I will have an appreciation for other working moms. The tears I shed will be wiped away by a loving Heavenly Father who is always there for us (and also by Paul). I tell myself daily, "It's just until May, I can do it until May."

A quick update on Caleb. He is such a sweetie! Although I have complained to many of my family members of his disobedience, he is learning and he is my beautiful toe-head boy. I often catch him singing primary songs during the day. Sometimes if I start to sing along with him he'll say, "No mom! Caleb do it! Now start over." (meaning now he has to start over) He has many favorites, but lately at bedtime he's been asking for "Follow the Prophet" and since he could talk he has asked for "I am a Child of God" There are few things that are more sweet that to hear your child sing "I am a Child of God". I'm amazed daily at the amount of knowledge Caleb can fit his his tiny little head. I can't use the excuse, "he's just 2, he won't understand" so I try to challenge him and he learns quickly. I just love that kid!

Oh...and pregnancy is going great! I feel good, our baby girl is perfect and active. We love our midwife and we're looking forward to birth. We are debating between giving birth in the Birth Center or at home (that may be some breaking news for some:) Caleb is so sweet to his "baby sister". He kisses my tummy, helps me take my prenatal vitamins, and talks about holding her once she comes out. He is a tender, sweet and sensitive boy, those make the best big brothers.

Courage

Last night we watched the CES fireside with Elder Jeffery R. Holland and I would like to relate an experience about the subject of his talk. Elder Holland spoke about always living your religion and having moral courage to do what is right , he stated "You do not EVER check your religion at the door".  With that in mind here is my story.
This semester I am taking a behavioral science class where we discuss psycho-social aspects of health care and how we should act with patients dealing with these type of problems. While my professor was going over the schedule she stated that there were a number of movies tht we would be watching that were rated R. She stated that if you dont watch those kind of movies to talk to her after class, an the entire class laughed like she had said some kind of joke. My heart began to race, what would I do? The thought came accross my mind that  could simply do nothing and watch the movies because no one knew that I dont watch rated R movies. This thought left rather quickly and I knew that I must tell her I wouldn't be participating in those movie days.  My teacher was fine with my decision but she proceeded to try and convince me that there were a few of the movies that would be very benefical to me as a PT and they were only rated R because of their language. I dont care why things are rated R, I simply wont watch it either way.
This past wed. was the first movie that I didnt watch(crash was its title). My class starts directly after another class so I needed to leave right after. As I was leaving about 5 people asked me where I was going and I told them that I didnt watch rated R movies and they looked at me with dumb struck faces. They didnt know what to say, they might have thought I was joking with them because who doesnt watch rated R movies right?
 It was kind of funny to see their faces, but even more gratifing was standing up for what I believe. What matters to me is my standing my God not what my friends think of me. They might have shared a laugh at my expanse after I left but I dont care , I know what I did was right. Living here on the east coast has been a great testimony builder for Amelia and I. We get the chance to interact with people who know nothing about our beliefs and we get te great opportunity to teach them. Hopefully our words and actions make a lasting impression upon someone!

Caleb's New Trick

                   Caleb has a new trick

Summer is Over :(

Today is my last day of summer before school starts. This was my last real summer break, next year I will be doing full time clinicals and than starting a real job. I wasnt able to find work this summer so I made the most of it by spending time with Amelia and Caleb. It has been so great to be with them so much, I hope we are all able to adjust to the new school year. As much as I enjoyed being home this summer I am ready to get back into school(never thought that would happen). The second year of my program is suppose to be the easy academic year, I hope that is true. I really love studying about the human body and learning how to treat it when it breaks down on us. I did a rotation at the hospital this summer and I absolutely loved it! Most people dont enjoy working in the acute setting but I really did. Anywho only 2 more years of school/clinicals and I'll finally be done with school and ready to enter the real world of having a job.
To end our summer we went camping with our great friends the Bartons. They have 3 little girls, who Caleb just adores. It was great because Caleb would go off and play with the girls and we could sit and relax with Jerermy and Heidi. Both moms go to bed around 9 but we talked them into staying up and playing games untill 1230, it was really fun. Here are the pics from our summer ending trip

Heidi thought the giant marshmellow's were better but she made quite the mess!Caleb thought I was taking a picture of him :)

 Caleb and Becky Clark??? Who knows

 

 Sorry Jeremy but I think your wife wins this battle!

 

 I think Amelia is a little to big for this toy

 

 I had to put this one on because Amelia and Heidi look so funny! The kids are pretty cute though

 

 

 We also found time last week to go to the beech. We found a little spot along the river instead of   driving to the ocean. No one was around and we had a blast. Caleb has really become a little fish this summer

 I have a sexy wife, hubba hubba

 

Caleb never lets me build a castle but I got him to wait one second before knocking this one over so we could take a pic

 

We also had some fun with finger paints

Ma & Pa Clark

Pioneer. I am a pioneer but in a very different way than the Mormon Pioneers in the 1800's. Thank goodness, I'm not sure I could last a week in their shoes.

Paul and I had the opportunity to volunteer as a Ma and Pa for Trek. As weird as it sounds coming from me, I really enjoy wearing pioneer dresses. They are quit comfortable, you don't have to worry about being a lady and you can sit cross-legged while still being modest, they keep a nice breeze, they keep you covered so no need to worry as much about a sunburn and you can get them as dirty as you want. I had to do some convincing to get Paul to agree to come on trek but while we were there, he was the one convincing me to stick it out, and being 4 months pregnant I could've easily found a way out of it. We did have a great experience though and I'm very glad we went.

We met our kids and they were great! Thursday was a day of bonding, pulling and some games as a family. We were rained on but only enough to get us wet, not our stuff. Friday was a different story...it rained hard for 9 hours straight! AH! Do you know what it's like to be soaking wet for 9 hours!? It started at 3 in the afternoon and didn't stop until midnight. We were wet, sleeping bags and tents were soaked, activities were cancelled and we were all cold. It was so miserable. I love camping, that's one reason I wanted to volunteer, but I hate camping in the rain.

I won't go into complete detail, but we survived the night. Paul spent 3 hours walking back and forth to different areas getting dry sleeping bags, clothes, and tents for our kids. I sat mostly dry in our tent for those 3 hours. Paul was drenched from head to toe and had blisters from walking in wet shoes. I wanted to call it quits and I could've easily pulled the 'pregnancy card' to get a hotel but Paul's good attitude kept me going. Even my PJ's had gotten wet so I wore Paul's and was able to stay dry during the night. Paul found a barn for me and 5 girls to sleep on and we slept great!

The next morning we put on wet clothes again and walked and walked and walked. Some of the kids went barefoot because their shoes were too wet then suffered because they stepped in poison ivy. Needless to say, we kept the nurses very busy. Although Paul and I had be critized for wearing hiking sandals on trek, we were thankful to have dry shoes that morning. Trek turned out to be a great learning experience, we sang, prayed, shared experiences and loved the youth, they are the future and these kids will be a good future.

In real life you can't have favorite kids, but on Trek you can. This boy was my favorite. He always jumped up to help, I never had to ask twice, never a rude word or complaint came from his mouth. That's what every Ma would want.

Parents weren't allowed to help pull, which I never complained about, that handcart was heavy! But I gave some assistance during the "Women's Pull"

 Crossing the "sweetwater stream"...I mean river.

 Now this guy makes one handsome pioneer.

Sisters, Sisters!

What would I do without my sisters? When I was younger there was a big enough age difference between my two oldest sisters and I that I was scared of them. They were teens and into their own thing, I didn't like talking to them and they usually had something to tease me about. I'll never forget Miranda making fun of me when I started wearing a bra.

Miranda: "Are you wearing a bra!?" As she flipped it from the back.
Me: "yeah" I replied quietly.
Miranda: "HAHA your so flat the walls are jealous!!"
I didn't even get it. And it took me years to figure out what that meant.

One time Shara tied me up and put me in a refridgerator box that was too big for me to climb out of. I don't know how long she left me there but when she came back to get me I had peed my pants and was crying.

Can you blame for being scared of my older sisters?

Now our relationships have changed dramatically. I LOVE my sisters! I loved talking to Shanlee and exchanging "cute boy stories" while we were both dating. I love getting advice on parenting from Miranda. And Shara always has great memories and sarcastic jokes that keep us all laughing.

Last week my 3 sisters and mom came to New Hampshire for our first ever girls trip! (We were missing our sister-in-law Sherise but in her defense she is 8 months pregnant, just moved into a new house, sprained her ankle and is chasing 2 energetic boys around...we'll give her a break. But we missed you Sherise!)

Although I love living in New Hampshire and we are having a great experience away from family I sure do miss family at the same time. I think pregnancy has made that homesickness a bit worse. One thing I miss most is just hanging out in the living room talking about everything under the moon. I was exhausted every night but somehow found the energy to stay up 'till midnight enjoying the company of my mom and sisters. Plus my sisters are the best Aunts! They'd get up with Caleb while Paul and I slept in until 8:00. So great!

We played and ate and played and ate some more. Kayaking on the Contoocook River, learned about history on the Freedom Trail in Boston, played at the beach, went to the temple, watched a performance by the BYU-Idaho dance team, saw a lighthouse, movie at the park, mountain biking, visited the Joseph Smith Memorial and of course SHOPPING at the outlets! I don't really enjoy shopping, but I sure do with my sisters, I am much more successful and they give great compliments. :) Thanks to Paul and his willingness to put up with 5 girls in our home we had a great time!

Now with them gone our house a quiet, cleaner and a bit lonely. But I have some good memories to keep forever.

I kept forgetting my camera so I don't have a lot of pictures as proof of our fun.

Boston Temple

 This kid skipped multiple naps, went to bed late, and played hard but was such a trooper throughout the whole week.

 This grandma loves watching her grandkids play.

 Someone needs to teach this girl how to use a rope swing.

 Shanlee!

 Miranda!

 Shara!

 Caleb and I

 Right before...

 ...this sneaky dunk.

 Kayaking the Contoocook River.

 Mom!

 Miranda's unsuccessful attempt to get Shara back for dunking her.